he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
