2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
