There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
