Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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