I'm gonna have a badass scar
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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