Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
