im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
