i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
