If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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