It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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