I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
