I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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