ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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