he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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