What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Come on in and take your pants off
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