Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
