Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
