Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
