I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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