you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
