This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
