Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
