well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
