I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
