just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
