your room smells of hookers.
And success
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
