That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
