i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
