i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
