Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
