Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
