oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
