i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
