I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
