Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
