this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
