Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
