four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
