Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
