Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
