i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
