Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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