I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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