Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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