this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
