i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
