feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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