I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
