But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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