It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
