new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
