Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
