"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
