The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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